Guest Post: "I'm busy = the new FU?" (Flaky Friends)
I love reading my big sister's blog. I'm usually reading something that she's already vented about to me =)
This topic is something that annoys us both to death! Over the past couple years, I've encountered some very flaky people. The sad thing about it is that most of them are close friends - people that should NEVER get the "flaky label". Unfortunately, some friends (close or not) seem to find last minute exscuses to bail. Whether it be a visit a few states away to simple dinner plans. Lately, a few of my friends have cancelled plans that THEY made! I don't get it. I recently decided that I cannot include these "flaky friends" in my wedding party...
My sister told me something that I'll never forget: "If they really care for you and want to see you, they'll make it happen." (similar to the below LovableWords quote) This is so true. I've learned that if you don't make it happen, then you don't really care.
So here's a guest post on the topic from my beloved big sis, Quiana. Enjoy!
Fabulously Yours,
Ariane Michelle
"I'm busy = the new FU?"
When I was pregnant I vowed not to be the friend who suddenly disappears because I'm now a mother as well as a wife. In NYC people have a tendency to stay in their little neighborhoods/communities and not venture out, but I love to go all over the NYC metro area and it's very important to me to maintain my friendships.
I don't have a lot of close friends but those who I do consider close are very important to me and despite being a wife and mother it is crucial that I stay connected. Unfortunately, this isn't always reciprocated because . . .
Everyone is SO busy.
Of course I'm busy. That's life. That's my life. That's most people's lives. Grown up humans tend to be...busy. Add kids, or business start ups, or illness into the mix and you have...much more of life to be busy about. . . Whatever is on your plate got there because you said yes to it - in the fullness of ambition and desire and wanting to eat life whole.
Sometimes we take on to-do's and commit to climb mountains because our soul demands it. Sometimes life throttles us with unforeseen and unrelenting demands. Sometimes busyness is the result of keeping up with the Joneses. Busy can be good. Busy can be bad. Busy is most often a choice.
That last line really struck a chord with me - yes, being busy is a choice. I admit I used to double and triple book myself, and sometimes I still do depending on the flakiness level of the person I'm dealing with and because there'd be so much that I want to do. From performances, talks and general running around this city there's so much to do on any given day but it's up to me to choose what I want to ultimately do and then prioritize accordingly.
I thought it was from the above article, but I couldn't find it but this unsourced quote is exactly how I feel about the "I'm busy excuse:"
"If white is the new black and green the new pink - then is "I'm busy" the new FU?"
I rarely, rarely cancel plans. If I do it has to be due to illness or inclement weather or honestly if something more pressing or urgent pops up, which I'm always honest about. AND if you send me an invitation, get this: I actually RSVP yes or no EITHER WAY. Shocking I know!
DH has witnessed me going to planned brunches, events etc. only to be stood up or canceled on at the last minute and he says every time, "I don't know why you waste your time!" He witnesses me getting down about the non-returned phone calls, e-mails and texts and tells me, "No one but me is a friend to you the way you are to them; drop them!"
So, while I don't believe in resolutions, I am going to do the following starting now: stop chasing after "friends" who don't have the common courtesy to respond or interact with me. My already short list of 'friends" (or associates I should actually call them) is going to get even shorter, and it may appear that I disappear, but I won't. I'll still be here and if those people want to reach out they can, but I'm going to stop with the constant pinging and checking in on my so-called "friends" and work on making new ones who actually care.
As this quote I saw on Twitter said:
"If it is important to you, you will find a way. If it is not, you will find an excuse." - LovableWords
2 comments:
Hey y'all!
Nice post. I definitely understand your perspective but I think it is just that, your perspective. Personally, I don't assume if someone cancels on me that it has anything to do with me. I don't take the decisions others make personal at all.
If someone has a schedule conflict, I respect that they know their personal circumstance & have made a decision as to what works best for them.
For instance, my family lives in another state. I have only seen them once in 2011 but that doesn't mean they aren't important to me. Quite contrary, they are the most important thing to me. The difference is that my mother and I have a relationship with mutual respect and we both actively take into consideration what works best at any time. We have our eye on a bigger picture than here and now.
How people decide "what works best" for them may be determined by many factors such as upbringing, work load, career, etc. Some people may not have a problem always having their schedule filled to the brim with activities. While others don't like to be overwhelmed with too many tasks. There are also people who can have a mile high to-do list without concern. While others only move onto a new project or relax after their original commitments are completed. Some careers require people to always be "on-call" so it makes life difficult to make plans in advance or requires cancellations if things "pop-up".
In a city like NYC where almost everyone is being pulled from all sides, managing a schedule can really be a day-to-day obstacle.
Just thought I would try to shine another perspective so you might not hurt yourself by making assumptions about your friends that aren't necessarily true.
Dominique : )
I understand where you're coming from, however the post reflects our frustration with people who cancel engagements routinely. I hardly see my family in Ohio, but I'm definitely not scheduling visits and canceling them the night before.
I guess you've lucked out and have very few friends who routinely flake out on you. Hopefully things change for me =)
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